how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
