Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
