Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
