I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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