thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize