So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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