I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
