Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize