you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize