i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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