Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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