The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
