I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You can't just leave with hair like that
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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