Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
