I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My feet surprised me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
