Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
