I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize