the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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