Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
