I got chris browned last night
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
