My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
