Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
