i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
