she woke up with a sticky ear
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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