brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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