Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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