I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
