Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
