Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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