We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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