The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
