I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
