dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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