come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
