Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
