i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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