I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
