we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
