woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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