You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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