What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
