My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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