is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
