is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
