Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just gift wrapped bread.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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