ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so explain again why im purple
no
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
