Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
