that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
