Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
