I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
