4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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