yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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