Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
