she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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