I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
