Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
