i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
