my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
