I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
