That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
