Swine flu. Run for my life!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
