I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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