That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
